Different Drummer: Serialized #7

 

Any thoughts so far? Leave them in the comments!

 

Rehearsal: A Different Drummer
LK Hunsaker
Infinity Publishing 2006

 12 March 1974

Her stomach tightened.

How was she going to handle the extra expense? She couldn’t let Mariah be pulled out so close to the recital just because her father had been laid off, but the owner would never allow her mom to keep charging lessons. They were already behind. Somehow, Susie would find a way to pay for them herself until they could return it. And if the owner found out … well, she would deal with that when the time came.

Forcing a calming breath, she pulled street clothes over her leotard. Nearly five. Close enough. She could walk over to the gym instead of making Evan and Duncan come for her again.

Waving goodbye to Janet, she peered out the glass doors. Rain was threatening. It didn’t look like a storm, though. Of course, she hadn’t brought an umbrella, as usual, preferring not to be too weighed down. After another quick glance, she started across the parking lot.

Not quite reaching the door before the clouds opened, she pushed damp hair back from her face. The gym was cool and she shivered even in her jacket.

“Susie! Hi! I haven’t seen you recently. What have you been up to?”

She paused at the front desk, glancing in further to try to see Evan. “Hi Shelly, just working. What about you?”

“Same here, but it got more interesting today. You’ve got to see the new guy Evan hired – talk about hot.”

“Long, dark hair?” Susie wiped at moisture on her cheek.

“Did he tell you already?”

“I’ve met him.” She wasn’t going to reveal he was Evan’s friend.

“So maybe the four of us should hang out. Get Evan to invite him.”

She answered one of the regular patrons who said hello and patiently turned back to Shelly. “What about Gary?”

The receptionist rolled her eyes. “We broke up last week.”

“And you’re not dating again yet?”

“I’d go after Evan if he wasn’t already taken.”

“Evan’s not dating anyone.”

The redhead looked puzzled. “I thought you two were an item.”

An item? “Why would you think that?”

“Everyone here talks about how inseparable you are. There are even rumors of a wedding.”

A wedding? Where on earth would that have come from? “Shelly, we’re just friends.”

“Serious?”

Susie nodded, backing away from the counter.

“Then you wouldn’t mind if I asked him out?”

Asked him out? Why not? He wouldn’t go out with her. She shrugged as if she didn’t care either way. “It’s none of my business who he dates. But I think he may be a little too tame for you.”

Shelly leaned closer, propped her forearms against the counter, and lowered her voice. “Sometimes the ones who are tamest on the outside are the wildest inside, once you get close enough. And I’ve always had a feeling about him. He’s been turning me on since he hired me.”

Not a conversation Susie wanted to have. Actually, she didn’t care to think about anyone being with Evan and was polite to his dates if she met them but preferred to keep her distance. “Isn’t there a dating policy here between management and employees?”

“You are interested in him.” A grin slid across her face.

“I didn’t say that.”

“You didn’t have to. Don’t worry, I’ll stay away. Maybe I’ll go for the new guy instead. He looks plenty wild enough.”

“Do you know where Evan is?”

“I think he’s back by the benches.”

“Thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” She ignored a whistle from some guy she’d never seen in there before and continued on to find her friend, trying to push Shelly’s words out of her head. Plenty wild enough. She was probably right, but it bothered her, anyway.

The back corner was mostly empty and she watched Evan stand by while Duncan lay on his back pushing a loaded bar into the air, lowering it to his chest, and raising it again. It was a lot of weight – more than she would have expected from the guy who didn’t appear that muscular.

Evan looked over at her movement. “You’re early.”

“Decided to leave. Working hard?”

“Training.” His grin reflected the joke.

“Looks like it.” She smiled at him until Duncan stood. His muscles were well-primed and she couldn’t keep from glancing at his arms and chest beneath the perfectly-fitted T-shirt. Raising her eyes to his face, she hoped he hadn’t noticed where they had been. “You didn’t have to stop on my account.”

He had noticed. She could tell from his expression. “I always stand for a lady.”

A lady? The term was surprising. “Thank you, but Stu’s right, kind of. I’m used to being one of the guys. You don’t need to be so formal around me.”

“Are you done for the day?” Evan moved closer and touched her arm. He must have been working out, as well. His shirt was damp in the middle of the chest muscles that were even more pronounced than usual.

“Not really, but I’m leaving anyway. I have the kids tonight, so I’ll have to come in early tomorrow and get some things done.”

“I thought you were cutting back on your babysitting hours until after the show.”

“Well, I was going to, but … not right now.” She wasn’t about to tell him she couldn’t afford the pay cut.

His look said he wanted to know why she changed her mind, but he turned to Duncan instead. “If you want to walk her out, I’ll stop at the office and be right behind you.”

A nod answered. His hair was pulled back with a rubber band that looked like one he had grabbed from the office. She had heard comments about “hippies” wearing their hair that way, and often she agreed, but it was such a different look on him. It wasn’t messy, as she often thought. Instead, it was a subtle blend of “wild” and … Victorian. It reminded her of Victorian paintings featuring wealthy aristocrats.

Duncan stayed close as they made their way past the benches and treadmills, his arm nearly touching hers but slightly behind. “Do you and Ev always spend a lo’ of time together?”

“Whenever it fits our schedules. Why?”

“Just wondered wha’ exactly your relationship was.”

Their relationship? Why was he asking? She had to be careful, since he would likely repeat anything she said. “We’ve been friends forever, and I spend a lot of time with all of the guys.”

“Have y’ ever dated any of them?”

She stopped walking before they got closer to Shelly, hoping her inability to meet his eyes wouldn’t reveal her nervousness.

“Sorry, it is no’ my business.”

“Why did you ask?” Susie greeted another of the regular guys by name as he walked by and said hello, glancing curiously at Duncan’s ponytail.

Duncan waited until he was out of hearing range. “I wanted to know if it would bother anyone if I were t’ ask you out.”

She found his stare. “You don’t even know me.”

“I would like t’ get t’ know you.” The blue eyes peered into hers, holding her in silence until Evan joined them.

“Ready?”

Susie pulled her eyes away and nodded, not sure what to make of Evan’s friend. She was used to getting looks, but most guys didn’t even approach her until they were used to having her around, and then it was only in a casual greeting. They all thought she was a snob. Especially the gym regulars who knew she was Evan’s friend and greeted her out of courtesy to him. But this one … was so direct … and so unnerving.

During the ride home, again sitting between them, Susie thought about how Evan had been keeping so much physical contact the last two days. Why? Was he trying to show Duncan they were close, or maybe reassuring her? Or were the occasional looks passed between her and his friend bothering him? Had Duncan told him he wanted to ask her out? If so, why would it matter? Evan only wanted her friendship. At least, she was pretty sure that was all he wanted. His expression, though, when he saw them standing so close together, alone in the gym…

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

She looked over at his voice. For a rare moment, she couldn’t speak to him.

“Suse? What?”

Swallowing hard to break herself out of her trance, she shook her head. “Nothing. Just … dance moves.” Which was the truth, figuratively. Their whole relationship recently seemed to be a dance; she was never sure which of them was leading, though.

Different Drummer: Serialized #6

Rehearsal: A Different Drummer
LK Hunsaker

Infinity Publishing
©2006 All Rights Reserved

Are you following the story here? Do you want it faster? This week only, Rehearsal: A Different Drummer is on sale at Smashwords as part of Read An Ebook Week [ebookweek.com]. Buy it in whole to read on your computer or online at your own pace:  http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/lkhunsaker

Different Drummer is only $4.50
Finishing Touches is only $2.62
And only this week -- ends March 14th

Of course, you can also get it in print personally signed from my website: www.lkhunsaker.com/Rehearsal-TheSeries.htm

Also... I've been interviewed!
http://almarquardt.com/blog/

A.L. Marquardt and I chatted interview-style about creativity, art, and publishing.

On to the story...

----------

Evan watched as she pushed a strand of hair from her face. He loved sitting outside with her during lunch, on the old weathered-gray picnic table beside the gym. She was in her element with the breeze brushing her skin and playing with her silky hair, and the branches above partly sheltering her from the sun. Susie had always loved the spring, when leaves and grass boasted their new green and the air was freshly cleansed by winter’s cold.

He was glad she asked to come in with them so they could have this time together, even if they weren’t alone. Duncan wasn’t saying much, though he often gazed at Susie from across the table, so they had time to catch up on what they missed during the busyness of the prior week.

Having exhausted conversation, she watched children on the nearby playground. Evan glanced over to find her focus and grinned about the small boy pushing a smaller girl on a swing. “Remind you of anything?”

She looked back and smiled. “You know, I always knew how to do it myself. I just wondered how long you would believe I couldn’t.”

He set a hand on her back. “I know. And I knew then.”

“You did not.”

He didn’t argue. His silence would answer as well.

“Then why did you keep pushing me?”

“Jeremy thought it was funny.”

“He knew that you knew? Why didn’t he tell me?”

“Because it was nice to see you smile for a change.”

She let her eyes wander back to the children. Her expression turned to thoughtfulness.

“Jeremy … your brother?”

Evan pulled his attention from her to answer his friend. “Yes. They were cohorts. Now and then I regretted teaching her sign language.”

“Sign language?” Duncan crossed his arms on the table in front of him and waited for an explanation.

Evan noted Susie’s glance, but he had to answer. “Jeremy was born deaf. She learned to talk to him much faster than we expected.” And she was wondering why he hadn’t told Duncan his brother was deaf, but she didn’t ask.

“Was tha’ the cause of the accident? Because he did no’ hear the car coming?”

“We’re not sure it was. The guy was driving so fast, it likely wouldn’t have made a difference.”

She looked at him again, then looked away. After all these years, Susie still couldn’t discuss it. She’d been the one outside with his brother at the time. Even with all their assurances, she wouldn’t stop blaming herself. She was twelve, Jeremy two years older. He knew better than to be on his bike after dusk, even if he did like splashing through rain puddles. It was his own mistake. She at least had the sense not to join him in his mission. Evan could have lost them both.

“You were friends with his brother also?” Duncan was studying her.

She hesitated. “Yes.” Her mood changed meeting his eyes. “And it was really unfair to Evan how we ganged up on him.”

He couldn’t help chuckling. “Yeah, and how many guitar strings did I lose that way?”

“Oh, you didn’t lose very many. We gave most of them back.”

“And some were still usable.” Evan took a swallow of his Coke and explained. “They used to untie them while I was away and refuse to give them back until I took them to the park. Occasionally, they got used for other things first.” He threw a look at Susie.

She tried unsuccessfully to hold back her laughter, reminding him of the fragile little girl he first knew. No matter how old they both got, he couldn’t imagine ever losing that image.

“You know….” She raised her own Styrofoam cup and sipped ginger ale through the straw. “I never told you this, but he proposed to me when I was eleven.”

Evan studied the profile of her face as she sipped more of the drink. Was she serious? Did his little brother beat him to it? “He what?”

She shrugged. “He said I was the only girl he could talk to, other than his mom, so if I didn’t marry him he wouldn’t be able to get married. I guess that was logical to a thirteen-year-old.” Susie looked down at her hands, playing with her napkin. “I told him to ask me again when I was his age because I wasn’t old enough yet.” She took a deep breath. “That was the first thing I thought of the day I turned thirteen. He’d said he would ask me again on that day.”

Less than a year after they had lost him. Evan wondered whether his brother would have actually asked her again. Knowing Jeremy, probably so. They had been very close.

“And wha’ would you have said?” Duncan waited until she looked up. “If he was around t’ ask you again? Would y’ have married him?”

“Well, thirteen isn’t as old as it seemed when I was eleven.” She was avoiding the question.

“No, bu’ would you still be together now? Engaged maybe?”

She was silent a moment. “Together as friends, I would hope, but not engaged. He was my buddy, like Stu. It wouldn’t have been more.”

Evan wished he could thank Duncan for asking what he wanted to know. He never would have. If she’d answered differently…

“Well, I need to get back to work.” She stood, gathering the discarded papers from her take-out sandwich and her still-half-full ginger ale.

He and Duncan did the same and followed her to the picnic area trash can, then to the well-worn path leading to the gym and studio.

“What time are you off?” Evan set a hand on her back before letting her walk away.

“Six.” She stopped. “Oh, you’ll have to wait an hour. I’m sorry, I didn’t think about that last night. I can try to get a ride from someone…”

“Angel, it’s fine.”

“You have practice at seven. That won’t give you much time…”

“I have things to do, anyway.” He looked at Duncan. “You mind staying until six?”

“No’ at all. I do no’ have plans.” He was watching her.

Other than practicing with them, Evan hoped. He hadn’t said for sure.

Susie pulled her eyes away from Duncan to answer. “Okay. I’ll come over as soon as I’m done.”

“We’ll meet you at the studio.”

-------------
Find a free read short story revolving around the loss of Jeremy at Smashwords

Different Drummer: Serialized #5

 

Rehearsal: A Different Drummer
LK Hunsaker

www.LKHunsaker.com
www.lkhunsaker.com/DifferentDrummer/main.htm 

© 2006  All Rights Reserved

 

11 March 1974

Keeping her mind on the notes about what her students needed to practice proved impossible. She kept seeing the echo of Duncan’s eyes when he and Evan came to her door to escort her to work. The bright blue snares pulled her in, casting a gaze beyond simple flirting. Evan’s questioning look told her she had stared too long. He had shaved, the intensity showing even more with the bare skin accenting his rigid jaw line and eyes that were less tired. The handshake when they met was still as vivid as while he was still holding her.

He was the kind of guy she would avoid except that he was Evan’s friend, and Evan was more particular than most about whom he called a friend. He had a lot of acquaintances, and people naturally gravitated toward him, but he kept a wall between himself and others. Occasionally, he found someone he would let inside. Susie could count them on one hand: herself, his mom, her dad, Mike … and Duncan. Even Stu and Doug were still somewhere between acquaintances and friends, though she did count them as her friends. But she wasn’t quite as discerning. She needed people more than Evan did.

Deciding that trying to concentrate was a waste of time, Susie got up from the small work table in the teachers’ lounge and reclaimed the bag holding her cassettes and dance shoes. There had to be a free room at this time of the day, since most classes were in the afternoon and evening.

Walking down the quiet hallway, she paused for a moment to watch Janet teach an adult class. Her friend was great with adults and a good studio manager. Of course, she was nearly eight years older than Susie, three years older than Evan, but then, most of the teachers were closer to Janet’s age. Susie was the youngest, but just as qualified as anyone else working there. She had to remind herself of that now and then.

“Hi, Susie. You’re in early today.”

She smiled at Monica’s greeting. “I rode in with Evan.”

“How is he? I haven’t seen him here recently.”

“He’s fine, working longer hours since he’s been short-handed at the gym, and busy with the band, as usual.”

“Oh? Are they playing this weekend?”

“Friday night, at Maggie’s. You might want to come if you can. I think he’s talked his friend into playing and the new sound is great.”

“Maybe I will. Ronnie has cousins visiting and I don’t want them in my house all weekend.”

Susie chuckled as the bookkeeper left, and continued down the hall. They were the strangest couple. Monica was a straight-laced and highly intelligent business woman, the studio’s accountant, and Ronnie … well, Waylon Jenning’s Good-hearted Woman came to mind whenever Susie saw them together, thanks to Evan’s mom’s fervor for country music. Susie personally didn’t care for Ernest Tubb, or much of country music, though she did like that song. From what she’d heard of Waylon’s voice so far, she believed he should sing it himself and do a better job.

Finding an empty room, she slipped out of her flats and into her ballet shoes, beginning with a warm-up stretch, then falling in with the music. Thoughts of Evan and his friend dissolved into energetic strains of Mozart’s Symphony Number 40 and the luxurious feel of her muscles following years of training. She rarely wore toe shoes while working out, preferring the naturalness of the soft, well-worn slippers. Ballet was her first love, other than her parents. Evan was her second. She wasn’t sure which would come first if she ever had to choose.

She danced through the symphony and a serenade, then pulled her toe shoes on to practice her routine for the show. The theme was musicals and each teacher had chosen one musical to use for themselves and their students. She decided on “West Side Story,” with her four- and five-year-old ballet class dancing to I Feel Pretty, and the same age jazz class performing Cool. Her older students were covering the best songs on the rest of the soundtrack, with her soloist performing Tonight on pointe. It was her first show having a student in toe shoes, and she was more nervous about that routine than her own.

Susie was starting her section with Something’s Coming, dancing lead in jazz with her jazz students joining her, and they would end with her ballet students accompanying her solo on Somewhere. The teachers and assistants who actually spoke to her had given her compliments on the choreography. The others had been avoiding her even more.

The song ended and she glanced at the clock. Another hour until she went to meet Evan. Maybe she would be able to study her notes now that she had used some energy.

A Different Drummer: serialized #4

Rehearsal: A Different Drummer
LK Hunsaker

Mainstream Romance (15+) 
Available in print and Ebook
** Website **

 

10 March, fourth stanza

Evan watched Duncan studying his best friend.

He was obviously attracted to her, but, so was every other male she met. Why wouldn’t any man be interested? She was beautiful, and not only on the outside, but also from within. The shiny, long black hair contrasting with her dark blue eyes and alabaster skin, along with her perfect features – she really did have the most perfectly shaped facial features – were just the frame she had to have. Anything less would have been unnatural. A Monet couldn’t go into a garage sale frame.

For Duncan to so overtly show interest in a girl, any girl, though was … well, Evan had never seen it. Girls were constantly doing the same to his friend, but he rarely paid much attention to any of them, even when he was dating one. Although dating wasn’t exactly what Evan would call it. A date generally involved getting to know your companion and that didn’t seem to ever happen with Duncan and his … flings.

He was still quiet as they sat around the apartment, pizza having been delivered and consumed, the rest stored in the refrigerator. Stu kept trying to draw Duncan in to the conversation, and his friend wasn’t being rude, exactly. He had again chosen the chair furthest from the others and answered direct questions but didn’t elaborate. Although Evan knew Duncan’s knowledge of music would easily rival Stuart’s.

“We need more good rock and less of this mushy stuff that’s trying to pass for rock or pop or whatever it’s trying to pass for. Look at John Denver. Sunshine … on my shoulders….” Stu sang the first line, and went back to complaining. “What is that? A child could write those lyrics. And if you can’t sing more than two notes, then why bother?”

Susie pulled a leg up beneath her. “It’s easy listening.”

“Easy for who? Please.” He went on to sing the next line, in a fairly close imitation, then shook his head. “Is he kidding, or what?”

“Maybe some of us are tired of the whining about how bad things are with the world. You know, there’s a place for every type of music. Just because it doesn’t have Led Zeppelin’s strength or Eric Clapton’s technique doesn’t mean it’s not good. I like John Denver’s music. It’s soothing.”

“You’re a girl. What do you know?”

“Excuse me? I’ve been into music almost as long as you have been. No, I don’t play it, but I listen to all kinds, and I had my own music teacher.” She nodded toward Evan. “And being male or female has nothing to do with being able to appreciate music.”

“You like Clapton?”

She turned her attention to Duncan, who spoke voluntarily for the first time since returning to the apartment. “Yes. Not all of the songs, but I love his playing and his voice. I really like Lovin’ You Lovin’ Me. It’s beautiful.”

“The words … or the music?”

Susie stared. Evan couldn’t tell whether she was deciding how to answer, or wondering why Duncan had finally decided to start talking. A girl who was into Clapton would definitely get his friend’s attention.

“Both … together. I really can’t like a song if I don’t like both the music and lyrics. If one or the other irritates me, I won’t listen to it.”

“There are a lo’ of songs out there that have great music, though, even if the words are no’ good.”

“I’m sure there are, but what is the point of listening to them if it’s not enjoyable? Isn’t that what music is for?”

“Sometimes. Bu’ sometimes it is just about the feeling of it.”

“Well, maybe so, but, unless the feeling is supposed to be irritation, the words have to be as good as the music. Otherwise, it doesn’t work.”

Evan couldn’t keep from laughing. She wouldn’t appreciate it, but he knew Duncan was baiting her, testing.

She shot him an annoyed look. “And why are you laughing? You know that as well as I do. Don’t you dare join the boys’ club, here, and act like I don’t know anything just ‘cause I’m a girl. I swear I’ll never talk to you again.”

He raised his eyebrows, trying to control another chuckle. “Oh, I think you will. You never stay mad at me long.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” Her expression was serious but the sparkle in her eyes gave her away.

“I’m not laughing at you. Of course you’re right.”

“Then what is so funny?”

Duncan jumped in. “I jus’ wondered if you would argue. Most girls will no’ argue with a musician abou’ music. None I have met, anyway.”

Evan watched his friend. He seemed more himself the longer he talked to her. If he would shave the beard…

“She’s not a girl; she’s just one of us. Evan raised her more like a brother than a sister.”

He began to answer Stu, but she beat him to it. “Evan did not raise me. And he’s not my brother.”

“You grew up in the same house. What’s the difference?”

Her eyes threw daggers at Stu, then looked at Evan, for help maybe? But what could he say? That he didn’t want to be thought of as her brother, either? And what reason would he give? Nothing he wanted her to hear. Nothing he was ready to admit out loud.

She looked away. “I have things I need to get done.” Uncrossing her legs, she nearly sprang off the couch. “See you guys later. Thanks for the pizza. It was nice to meet you, Duncan. I do hope you’ll stay a while.”

He stood. “I did no’ mean t’ offend you…”

“Oh, you didn’t. I love discussing music, whether we agree or not. Another time?”

He nodded and she left the apartment.

Evan followed. He should have been able to think of an answer since she’d been asking him for one. But he honestly didn’t understand why it bothered her so much. “Suse…”

She stopped in between her door and his, barely turning to wait for him to speak.

“You know Stu was just trying to get to you. What did you expect me to say?”

Her head raised, eyes touching his. “Do you think of me as a little sister? As a child?” Her voice was soft, reaching into his soul.

No, not anything like a sister. He could never think of her that way.

“Evan?”

“No, Angel. I have never thought of you as a sister. And I have not thought of you as a child for quite some time.”

“Then…”

“You’re my best friend. You always have been.” He moved closer and took her hand. “You always will be.”

She was silent for a long while, waiting. For what, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was time to tell her…

“You promise?”

Maybe not. Maybe all she wanted was his reassurance that no one else would take her place. Was she afraid that as much as he talked about wanting Duncan here, that he wouldn’t spend as much time with her, or would need her less? He couldn’t possibly ever need her less, or more.

He took a deep breath. “I promise that no one will ever come between us. No one will ever matter more to me than you do.”

She held him.

Her head lay against his shoulder, low enough for her forehead to lightly brush his jaw. A soft floral scent combined with her own, and the warmth in her hands penetrated his shirt right through to his skin, her arms around him too natural not to belong there. Even when they dated other people, there was never anything permanent in their separate relationships. She would see eventually that she belonged to him.

Too soon, she moved away. “I do need to get some things done. Can I ride in with you tomorrow?”

Her question didn’t surprise him. Any time they had any kind of friction, she spent the next day or two staying closer than usual, as though she honestly thought she might lose him. There was no chance of that. “Of course. But I thought I’d offer Duncan the job I’ve been holding at the gym, so he may be going in with me, too. If you don’t mind?”

“You know I don’t mind.” She finally looked up at him. “Do you think he’s going to stay?”

Evan shrugged. “I don’t know, but I’m going to try.”

“And not just for the band.”

“No. Even if he’s not interested in the band.”

“So did I pass his test?” Her eyes sparkled.

“I would guess so. And don’t take it personally. He actually talked more to you than he does to most people until he gets to know them.”

“Well, I hope he’ll like it here so you can hang out with him again.”

Evan watched her try to act like it didn’t matter to her, other than for his sake. He didn’t think it was quite true. “Is Kate home?”

“Not that I know of.” She turned to unlock her door.

“Then I’ll walk you in.”

He waited until her lights were on and touched her back, loving that she was wearing his shirt. His own act came when she “borrowed” anything that belonged to him. He had to try to pretend it mattered, at least somewhat, though he supposed that wasn’t well hidden, either. She could borrow anything he had and keep whatever she wanted. He imagined she knew that by now.

Outside her closed door, he stood. In time. He had to wait. She was only nineteen and not ready for all he wanted to offer. Not to mention that he couldn’t support her the way he wanted … yet.

**

Susie slid out of her shoes and went to her cassette holder, picking up another she’d borrowed from Stu. It was funny how Duncan stayed quiet until she brought up Eric Clapton. She knew that’s what got his attention by the way his eyes snapped to hers. He was likely a fan. She really couldn’t call herself one, though she liked him okay. But Jim Croce, Carly Simon, and Elton John were more her style. She wondered how he felt about them. Maybe she would ask, when she got enough nerve.

She did really like Lovin’ You though.

Pulling the cassette from its case, she broke the silence of her apartment by clicking open the door of her stereo/cassette player. It was at the beginning of side one, where she always left them, so she slid the tape in with side two facing her and hit rewind. Sitting in front of the machine, she watched the thin, brown tape move from one side to the other. It made an eerie hushing sound. She closed her eyes and listened for it to be close to where she wanted it to stop. After the hours she had spent sitting in front of her stereo, rewinding or fast forwarding, she pretty well knew by the pitch how close it was to the beginning or end. A crazy trick to teach herself, she supposed, but it was music-related, in a way. Or maybe just a distraction to keep her mind off other things in the silence.

She checked the progress. Deciding it should be in about the right spot, she stopped the spinning and pushed play. Bottle of Red Wine was ending. Close enough; she would wait and let it finish.

At least he had admitted he didn’t think of her as a sister. That was something. Not much, but something. She felt his hand on her back. As the last strains faded, it was replaced by the feel of his buddy holding her hand, looking at her as though the world would stop if she weren’t there. Susie admonished herself. She was imagining things. But his eyes … and the way he held her … even if it had only been her hand…

The music pulled her back again. Maybe Duncan was a Clapton fan, but Lovin’ You Lovin’ Me was Evan’s song. He sang it at nearly every gig they had, and she’d been the one to request that he learn it.

She didn’t sing along this time, as she often did. Instead, she let the music, and the words, invade her senses and saw Evan on stage, singing to her. Why couldn’t he see her as anything more than a friend, even a best friend? She wasn’t a child any longer. Her mom had been married by her age. Of course, she wasn’t ready for that, but she was ready for something … real. And she wanted it with Evan.

She closed her eyes and let the song finish, then clicked it off, hit fast forward to leave it at the beginning and pulled it from the stereo. A noise at the door broke the spell and she turned to see her roommate come in. Not alone.

“Hey Suse, this is Kirk, the lead in our play. Are we interrupting, or would you mind if we went over some lines here?”

Susie pushed to her feet. The guy let his eyes roam her frame. “No, it’s okay. I’ll take my work back to my room.”

The guy smirked. “She could stay out here and read with us. I have the perfect part for her.”

She glanced at Kate, who didn’t seem to notice the tone of his voice, or didn’t care. “Thanks, but I really need to get this stuff done. I want to have Mike look at it tomorrow.” That was a lie, but she wanted Kate to know she disapproved.

Her roommate pulled her chin higher. “That’s okay. You stay out here. We can go to my room.”

Susie watched Kirk obediently follow. Kirk. Right. It was probably Bob, or Frank, and he was trying to make himself sound more theatrical. Everyone Kate brought home was so fake it was ridiculous. Why she would want a guy like that instead of Mike was beyond her. So, Mike could be a bit of a snob, but underneath, he was a great guy. And he would likely be in a better mood more often if Kate would stop messing with him and just say yes or no.

But then, who was she to criticize? She couldn’t even tell her best friend how she really felt about him. The rejection would be more than she wanted to face, and then what? At least this way, she could keep hoping.

** sign up for email updates using form on the left to be notified of new entries **